


Damaged By The Darkness Iniside

by GayRainbowBridge



Series: Gammafrost Stories/Oneshots [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayRainbowBridge/pseuds/GayRainbowBridge
Summary: After the attack on New York Loki is imprisoned and tortured for four months and was meant to last for the rest of his days. When Thor finds out, he demands Loki's freedom and Odin allows Thor to take Loki to Midgard, never to return.Unfortunately, Loki didn't get out unscathed. Ugly scars run across Loki's face and is now constantly plagued with panic attacks and insecurity. He believes he is a monster, inside and now out, dark thoughts constantly tearing at his mind.A certain good Doctor seeks to help the Norse god of Mischief with his demons, and convince him that he is not the monster he believes himself to be. But in order to do so, Bruce must put aside his own demons......because Loki isn't the only one trying to hide scars.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Loki
Series: Gammafrost Stories/Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115846
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠️Warning: angst, hurt, technically attempt suicide, torture⚠️

Drip...drip...drip...drip—

Loki writhed in pain. Pain and agony was all he seemed to feel these days. He could barely remember what his old life was like before all of this. The constant pain. Some days he could barely remember his own name.

—drip...drip...drip...drip—

Chains were shackled to his wrists and ankles, only allowing to wiggle in pain. But he couldn't sit up? His back scrapped across the ground whenever he moved, rocks and stones jabbing at his skin, making it impossible to lay comfortably. Not that comfort would have done him much good.

—drip...drip...drip...drip—

He had to force himself not to scream. It would only make the pain worse if the poison got in his mouth. It had already gotten in his eyes, making everything a blur of swirling colour so he could only just make out the distinct shape of the snake above him. He didn't need his voice damaged as well. Though, it was probably already ruined from all the screaming he'd been doing.

—drip...drip...drip...drip—

He was starved. He hadn't eaten since he'd got here. How long had it been? A few weeks? A few months? A few years?! Loki didn't know. He doubted it mattered. His sentence was for eternity.

—drip...drip...drip...drip—

"Loki?"

Loki whimpered. No. He didn't want to hear the voices of his loved one's again. He couldn't handle it. It was just too much to bear.

"Oh my dear Brother. What have they done to you?"

Loki shuddered. It sounded so real. Like he was kneeling right next to him. But Loki didn't look, not wanting to be crushed when he saw no one there. Odin had ensured that Loki would have no visits from those he loved or ever knew.

"Please, Loki. Look at me."

The voice was so pleading, so full of concern. It almost made Loki want to take just a quick glance. But he couldn't make himself do it. He could just barely cope as it was. He couldn't look, only to find empty air beside him, the voice echoing in his head. He was alone. He would always be alone. He had to force himself to accept that before he drove himself to madness.

Unless, of course, it was already too late.

"I'll get you out of here, Brother. I promise. Just hold on."

Behind Loki's closed eyelids, tears escaped. They cascaded down his burning cheeks as poison dropped steadily upon them, mixing with the tears.

Why did the voice have to say that? The one thing that Loki wanted so desperately. It was too much. He had tried to be strong, but he couldn't do it anymore. Besides, who was he meant to be strong for?

He was completely alone.

Loki felt himself let go. It was much easier than he thought it would be. He supposed it was because there was no one for him to hold on to. There was no one he needed to keep living for.

The dripping of poison on his face seemed to cease to a stop. He assumed it was because he was slowly going numb to the world as he let go, no longer feeling the pain, though his cheeks still burned where poison had dropped on it.

Maybe some pain didn't leave, even after death.

The world spun away from Loki making him feel as if he were falling. Falling down an endless tunnel.

A sigh escaped Loki's mouth as sound faded away, the sound of Thor's voice drifting further and further away until all sound disappeared as if Loki had suddenly been stuck deaf, only a strange ringing in his ears.

And even that eventually faded away too.

* * *

Thor watched Loki sleep, keeping note of the gentle rise and fall of the younger's chest, looking out for any signs of a sudden fit. Loki had had three already. Thor didn't think Loki would be able to survive another. He was so weak already, the fits only making things a hundred times worse.

The first time it happened, Thor had no idea what to do. One moment Loki was sleeping peacefully, the next he was thrashing and screaming as if someone were ripping out his very heart, his eyes screwed up with pain and agony.

The Healer's did everything they could to try and calm him, but it was no good. Loki continued to scream and scream until it suddenly stopped as if someone had turned off a switch inside of Loki, his cries quieting down until he was only left gasping for breath.

It happened twice again after that. But now Loki was calm and quiet once again as if nothing had happened. Thor had only wished it were true.

When Thor had found out the truth about Loki's punishment, he had demanded for it to end. After days of fighting and thunder storms that flooded Asgard, Odin had finally relented on the condition that Loki would be taken away from Asgard as soon as he was well enough. Odin had given him a week.

Thor had taken it, but when he found Loki chained to the ground in a small cell, a snake dripping poison onto his face, rage and fear coursed through Thor like they never had before. Rage at his Father for doing this to Loki and fear for his Brother who did not deserve such a brutal punishment.

When Thor knelt down beside Loki, he had thought it was too late. But when Thor had said his name, Loki had whimpered. It was barely audible, but Thor didn't care.

It meant Loki was alive.

Unfortunately, Loki did not respond beyond that and Thor had to take matters into his own hands. He killed the accursed snake with Mjolnir, crushing it's head with a satisfied crushing noise of breaking bones. It made Thor feel a little better.

He then broke the chains with Mjolnir, ensuring it did not hurt Loki further. His wrists were bruised black and blue and were bloodied. Thor figured it was from Loki pulling at the shackles. But it still hurt Thor to see as he did the same for his ankles which were just as bruised and bloody. Loki wore no shirt making it obvious just how painfully thin he was, his back bruised and scraped from the rocky ground.

The worst damage had been done to Loki's face. It was a mess of burnt tissue, red and ugly, from the poison that had dripped across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Thor tried not to look at it as he slid his arms under Loki's too thin body.

Thor felt how light Loki was when he picked him up in his arms. Had they even fed him while he was imprisoned? Anger sparked through Thor once again but he pushed it down, too focused on Loki's survival. He'd have to deal with his rage later.

He'd left, going straight to the Healers.

Thor had been by Loki's side since then for the four days. His Brother woke occasionally and only for a few moments before he would slip back into unconsciousness. But Thor didn't mind. All it meant was that Loki was improving. Slowly but surely.

Thor didn't know what was going to happen once Loki was strong enough to leave Asgard. He didn't know if Loki would want to. Despite Loki's bad times there, he still had good memories of the place, didn't he? He had friends here and Mother...how would he react when he found out that he had to leave her?

Not to mention where Thor planned for Loki to go. To Midgard, the place where Loki had tried to enslave mankind. To the Avengers, the people who had stopped Loki from fulfilling his plans.

He had gone to Midgard a couple of days ago when Loki's condition had started to improve and had pleaded with the Avengers to allow Loki to stay once he was well enough. He must have seemed pretty desperate as they had reluctantly agreed so long as Thor was there to watch him which Thor was fine with.

When Loki had returned to Asgard however, it was to find Loki in one of his fits, screaming Thor's name.

Thor had rushed forward in an instant, taking Loki's hand and murmuring in a soft, soothing tone that he was there, that everything would be alright. Loki, on hearing Thor's voice, eventually calmed, but Thor had not left Loki's side again, in fear it would bring forth another fit.

Thor sighed now, thinking on all of this as he sat back in the chair beside Loki's bed. He wished he had known what Odin had done to Loki earlier. He could have spared Loki less pain. But it was too late now. All he could do was be there for Loki.

Be his Brother whether Loki considered him one or not.


	2. Chapter 2

When Loki regained consciousness, he immediately wished he hadn't. Everything hurt. His whole body ached. His wrists and ankles throbbed, his back stung and his cheeks burned. A simple thought rose in his mind. A question he didn't know how to answer.

_'If I'm dead, why does it hurt so much?'_

Unless...

Loki forced his eyes open. A bright light blinded him, but he only blinked the spots from his eyes impatiently as he looked around.

He was lying on his back on what felt like a bed as it was soft, his head resting on a pillow making it easier to look around. Everything was blurred because of his damaged eyesight, but he could make out other beds, a shelve or more like several shelves stacked with supplies that Loki couldn't make out properly. Light shined through large windows around him, making the room brightly lit.

If he didn't know better, he would say he was in the Asgardian infirmary. But that was impossible!

...wasn't it?

A loud noise made him look to his left and made out the shape of a large person, sitting in the chair beside his bed like a visitor would do. But if he really _was_ in the infirmary, then who would want to visit him? And why?

But, _by Odin's beard_ , could the person snore. They sounded like a malfunctioning chainsaw.

Suddenly something clicked in Loki's mind. The person had long blond hair, broad shoulders and a red cape hanging over his back from what he could see (which wasn't much). There was only one person he knew who looked like that. He remembered the voice he had heard, the one he thought was in his head when he was still chained in that cell.

The voice that had promised to get him out of there...and had!

With the little strength he has, Loki opened his mouth.

"T-Thor!" He croaked out. God, he sounded horrid. Like he'd been gargling acid. Which, to be fair, wasn't far from the truth.

Thor slept on, Loki's voice going unheard. He tried again, louder this time, ignoring the soreness it caused his throat to speak.

"Thor! Thor wake u-up! T-Thor—" Loki stopped as coughed issued from his mouth, his throat too sore to speak.

Fortunes l the sound of coughing woke Thor who looked around in alarm before spotting Loki. He was up in a flash, kneeling down beside Loki. "Brother? Are you alright?" He asked, gently rubbing his back so as not to irritate the wounds along it too much. "Just breathe."

_'It hurts to breathe_ _,'_ Loki thought, but aloud his croaked out. "W-water?"

Thor, seeming to realise just how awake Loki was, nodded quickly, grabbing the cup of water he kept at Loki beside table for an emergency and very gently tipped Loki head back so he could press the cup to his lips and let Loki take steady gulped from it, making sure Loki didn't drink too fast I'm fear that he would choke.

Loki drained the glass and Thor set it back on the table. "Any better?" He asked and Loki felt Thor take his hand, squeezing it gently.

"Much. Thank you," Loki said, his voice now less scratchy and more himself.

Thor nodded. "Of course. Do you need anything else? The Healers have bandaged most of your wounds," he said festering to Loki's wrists and ankles which Loki saw were wrapped in white material. "They couldn't do much for you back or your...your..."

"Face?" Loki finished, knowing that was what Thor was going to say. "Is it...is it bad?"

Thor swallowed nervously. "It's not as bad as you might think, considering how long you were imprisoned for. It could have been a lot worse."

"How long was I imprisoned?" Loki asked suddenly, fear gripping him. Has it been a year? Longer? Or had it only felt that way? Perhaps it had been a few weeks or—

"Four months," Thor said quietly.

Loki stared at him. "Four months?" He whispered, shocked.

Thor nodded.

Loki took a deep breath. "That's...that's not so bad," he decided. It was the truth after all. It could have been a year or even a decade or thousands even. But four months? That wasn't as bad as Loki thought it must have been. He was rather relieved, all things considered.

"Loki, there's something I have to tell you," Thor said, taking Loki out of his thoughts.

"Tell me what?" Loki said warily.

Thor sighed. "I'm afraid you cannot remain here."

Loki frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

"When...when I found out the...details of your imprisonment, I went to Father in rage, demanding the punishment to be over. At first, Odin had refused me and because of that, I got angry as I hated the thought of you being in pain. For weeks, Odin and I argued. I brought thunder because of my bad mood and nearly flooded the whole of Asgard," Thor looked down shamefully. "I am not proud of what I did, but it was enough to make Odin relent. He allowed the punishment to cease, but as an alternative form of punishment, he said you would be exiled from Asgard."

Loki took this all rather well. He always knew his so-called 'Father' never cared for him. It was only a matter of time before Odin banished him or had him killed. "But if I'm exiled, why am I still here?"

"When I freed you, you were too ill for me to take you anywhere. Odin allowed you one week to heal but no longer," Thor explained. "It has already been four days."

"Four _days_?!" Loki repeated, shocked. He'd been out for four days?

"Yes," Thor confirmed. "It shouldn't be that surprising considering what you were put through, Brother."

Thor had him there.

"But where will we go?" Loki asked.

At this, Thor looked away. "Midgard."

" _What?!_ " Loki shouted. Or sort of shouted to which he succumbed to another coughing fit. "T-Thor. You know I-I cannot go back there. N-not after what I d-did," he said, his voice weaker now.

"We don't have a choice. Remaining here isn't an option and we need to be somewhere that you can get medical attention. You're still so weak, Brother," Thor said with concern.

_'Weak'._

The word seemed to cut through Loki like a knife, but he pushed it back. He had bigger problems at the moment. "But where will we live? We'll need money and jobs to live on Midgard and we have neither of those things."

Thor looked guiltier by the second. "I have spoken to the Avengers—"

"The Avengers? Thor, no," Loki protested instantly.

"Loki—"

"No, Thor. You know they despise me. I don't care what they have said to you. I cannot go back there. Ever," Loki said, hugging himself with his arms around his body, turning his face to the sheets of the bed so Thor would not see the fear that lay in his eyes.

How did Thor expect him to go back to the people who so clearly hated him? Who thought him a monster? Because that was what he was.

A monster.

"Loki, please. They will treat you kindly, I swear," Thor said, but Loki shook his head.

"Why would they ever treat me kindly after what I did? Because of _this_?" Loki gestured to his face. He didn't know if it was bad, only able to go off of Thor's word that it wasn't, but Loki didn't believe it. He had seen the hesitation in Thor's eyes before answered Loki. "Do you believe they'll pity me? I don't want pity, Thor. Besides, they would never pity a monster."

"Brother, do not say that!" Thor exclaimed. "You're not a monster."

"If I were not a monster then I wouldn't have done the things I did. I was a monster on the inside. At least now I'm a monster on the outside as well," Loki said, referring to his burnt face as tears started to gather in his eyes.

Thor saw the tears threatening to spill from Loki's green eyes and took Loki in his arms in an instant, hugging him tightly. Loki sobbed, burying his head into Thor's chest, despite how it made his face hurt. He clung weakly at his shirt, not wanting to let him go.

"I can't go there, T-Thor," Loki hiccuped, "I d-don't want them to see these a-scars. To see how u-ugly I've b-become."

"Oh, Loki. You're not ugly. No, scars heal," Thor said, brushing Loki's hair back from the younger God's tear streaked face.

Loki shook his head. "Not all scars do. W-what if I look like this forever? How will the Avengers r-react to it?"

"It's going to be okay. The Avengers will not mention the scarring. They all have scars of their own, even if you can't see them. Everyone does," Thor said soothingly. "It's okay to have scars. They make you stronger. Scars make people who they are."

Loki sniffled. "Y-you think so?"

Thor smiled. "I know so. I've told them already about what has happened to you. They know you suffered an injury. When we arrive I'm sure they'll help you in any way they can."

Loki seriously doubted this, but nodded regardless. He pulled away from Thor, leaning back against the pillows that were soft against the soreness of his back.

"I think we should leave tomorrow morning," Thor said gently.

Loki looked up at him in shock. "Tomorrow? But we still have three more days—"

"I know, but I feel we should leave as soon as possible. I do not want Odin changing his mind before the week is up," Thor told him calmly.

Loki could not fault his logic, so he simply nodded.

"I have packed things from your room. Clothes, books, anything I thought you would want to bring with you," Thor said. "It's all ready for when we leave. You should rest for the now though. You still look exhausted, you can have a bite to eat before we leave tomorrow morning."

Loki once again nodded, settling himself on his side, curling up on the bed.

Thor sighed standing up and taking the blankets, pulling it up to Loki's chest. He kissed Loki on the forehead. "Get some rest, Brother."

Loki wanted to protest that he wasn't tired, but Thor was right. He _was_ exhausted.

He mumbled something in reply, probably 'goodnight, Thor', but Thor looked at him with a surprised expression, so Loki wasn't so sure. But he was too tired to care.

He closed his eyes and welcomed the darkness that washed over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✒Okay, so the next chapter will be a little more of this and then a little of them arriving in Midgard to the Avengers. I hope you liked this chapter. Nice and angsty, yay!✒


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Warning: strong language⚠️

The next morning came much faster than Loki would have wished for. He felt as if he had only been asleep for moments before Thor was shaking him awake, Loki trying to bat him away.

After much grumbling and complaining, Thor finally managed to get Loki up and dressed in fresh clothes. A plain green shirt, jeans and a black jumper to keep him warm with a thing called a 'hoodie' attached to it (Thor had said he'd blend right in with the other Midgardians. Loki didn't take that exactly as a compliment).

As promised, Thor had one of the Healers bring Loki something to eat. But unfortunately, it wasn't going very well.

"Come on, Loki. Just a bit more?" Thor pleaded with the younger sibling who was staring blankly at the toast on his plate that only had a couple bites bitten out of it."

"I can't," Loki stated, feeling both frustrated and upset. "I can't eat anymore." Even though it was only a few bites, Loki felt as if he had eaten an entire meal.

Thor was obviously worried, but let it be. "Alright. Are you sure that I got everything you want to take with you?"

"I'm sure," Loki said.

He'd checked the bag twice over that Thor had filled with spell books, clothes, a box filled with ingredients Loki used for spell casting and any essential items. Everything he could think of was there. Even his journal in which Loki had harassed Thor how he knew of its existence or if he'd ever read it, though Thor simply said he found it in a desk drawer and hadn't read it, not wanting to invade Loki's private business which Loki was glad for.

"We should go then," Thor said and Loki swallowed harshly.

This was it then. He was leaving Asgard for good, never to return. He didn't know whether to be thrilled or upset about that fact.

Thor spoke again. "But first there's someone we have to see."

"Who?" Loki asked as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, frowning slightly. Odin, maybe? He doubted it. But he couldn't think of anyone else who would want to see them off. Or more specifically, see _him_ off.

"You'll see," Thor said with a small smile making Loki roll his eyes as he stood...

...and tumbled forward, his legs not wanting to hold his weight. He reached out to grab at the bedside table but misjudged where it was because of his blurred sight and fell to the ground hard.

"Loki!" Thor said, panicked. He dropped down beside him, taking his arm. "Brother, are you alright?"

"Fine. I'm fine," Loki gasped out, pain spiking from his knees.

"Here," Thor said and helped Loki back to his feet which held them this time around. "You missed the table," Thor noted, adding to Loki's embarrassment.

"I couldn't see it properly. My eyesight's blurred," Loki said defensively.

Thor frowned slightly. "What do you mean? How? Why?"

"The poison," Loki mumbled. "It got in my eyes."

Thor's mouth formed an 'o' shape. "My apologies. I didn't realise," he said sheepishly.

"Don't worry 'bout it, Thor," Loki said, trying for a smile.

Thor sighed, picking up Loki's bag and gesturing for Loki to follow him. "So, I'm guessing last night was a one time thing?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Loki said with a confused look passing his face.

"When you called me 'Brother'. I'm going to say that it won't happen again, will it?" Thor said sadly.

"When did I say that?" Loki asked, not recalling having said it.

"Just before you went to sleep. You said 'goodnight, Brother'," Thor said, glancing at Loki who blinked.

"Is that what I said?" Loki said wonderingly.

"What did you think you said?" Thor asked.

"'Goodnight, Thor'?" Loki said uncertainly. Had he really called Thor 'Brother'?

"If you wish for me to forget it happened then I mention it again," Loki said and Loki started.

"Wha-no! No, Thor I—" Loki huffed, exasperated. "I don't care about calling you Brother. Because, well, you _are_ my Brother."

Thor looked at Loki for a moment before smiling widely. "I'm glad you think so. You have no idea how much that means to me," he said, seeming to light up. "Come on. Almost there."

"By the way, you still haven't mentioned who we were meeting..." Loki's voice faded away as he saw who was waiting for them at the castle front doors.

"Mother?!"

Frigga turned to look at them as Loki rushed forward and hugged her before she could get a word out. She flung her arms around him, pulling him close.

"Loki! Oh, my sweet baby. Are you okay?!" Frigga said in a rush of breath.

Loki nodded against her shoulder, fighting back tears. He had thought he would have to leave Asgard without getting to say goodbye to his Mother. But here she was, allowing Loki to see her one last time. Always there when Loki needed her most.

She pulled back so she could see Loki's face, her own transforming into one of shock. "Oh, what have they done to you?" She whispered.

"Nothing," he said quickly, turning his head away as he remembered his scarred face.

"Odin will not get away with this, mark my words," she said, a fierce anger in her voice. "I'll make him pay."

"Revenge is not the answer," Loki said, shaking his head.

"Letting him get away with it is not either," she countered and Loki swallowed nodding. There was no point arguing with her.

Loki blinked back tears that suddenly sprang to his eyes. "I am going to miss you, Mother."

Frigga smiled sadly. "Do not think of this as a final goodbye. I will see you again," she said, touching his cheek lightly.

Loki caught her hand. "But if I'm exiled—"

"I will visit. Thor has told me of where you will go for now. Once things have settled down, I will come visit you," Frigga said and Loki wanted to sob in relief.

"We will see you then, Mother," Thor stated, having stayed respectfully silent up until then. "But we really must be going."

Loki looked at Frigga, telling himself that this wouldn't be the last time he'd ever see here. "Goodbye," Loki said quietly, "for now."

"For now," Frigga agreed and gave Loki one last hug, before letting go, moving away, her hand slipping from Loki's.

Thor and Loki stepped out the castle doors which shut behind them, Frigga disappearing from view. As they headed down the Bifrost, Loki kept glancing back at the castle.

"You'll see her again," Thor assured him.

Loki only nodded.

* * *

"When are they going to get here? It's been four days already!"

Steve glanced over at the genius who was currently lying across the couch, his head resting in Clint's lap who was absentmindedly playing with Tony's brown curls. "I don't know, Tony. Thor didn't give us a specific date. He just said when Loki was well enough to travel."

"Ugh! This waiting stuff is killing me!" Tony complained loudly which turned to a yelp of pain when Clint pulled hard at one of his strands of hair.

"You think it's bad for you? Imagine how I feel seeing _him_ again," Clint muttered, not saying Loki's name even though everyone knew who he was talking about.

"Clint, we talked about this," Natasha said, looking over at him. "Thor told us that Loki was in a bad way. So you had better be nice."

"Be _nice_?!" Clint exclaimed incredulously. "To that sociopath? Are you _kidding_ me?!"

"Bruce, do you want something to eat?" Steve called from the kitchen. He was making food for everyone, but Bruce hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Yeah, a cup of coffee would be great," Tony said when Bruce didn't answer.

Steve gave Tony a disapproving look. "I wasn't asking you."

"You didn't have to," Tony said with a shrug.

Steve sighed. "Bruce," he tried again. "Hey, do you want toast?"

Bruce still didn't look up. The scientist was currently sitting on the couch, a book open in his lap that he was immersed in, paying no attention whatsoever to what was going on around him. Someone could have dropped a bomb in front of him and he'd probably still wouldn't react. The only moment he made was to turn a page or push up his glasses that continuously slipped down his nose.

Sighing again, Steve stepped out of the kitchen, going over to Bruce and tapped his arm. "Bruce?"

Bruce looked up, startled. "Oh, Steve. Hi. I-I didn't notice you there," he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes tiredly.

"That's alright. I was just asking if you wanted a bite to eat?" Steve said, smiling gently.

"Oh. No, that's okay," Bruce said after a moment.

"Are you sure? You didn't have a lot to eat yesterday," Steve said, feeling rather concerned for the man's well-being.

"No, really Steve. I'm fine. I'm not that hungry," Bruce said, smiling at Steve reassuringly.

Steve nodded reluctantly. "Well, if you change your mind I can—"

But what exactly Steve could do, they'd never find out as at that second, a flash of light lit up the outside balcony, disappearing as quickly as it had come leaving two figures behind.

Tony sat up. "I think they're here," he said obviously.

"No shit, Sherlock," Clint said, rolling his eyes.

The two outside made their way into the house, Thor before Loki. But when they hit a clear view of the god of Mischief, they all froze in shock, a terrible silence settling over the room.

Clint was the first to break it.

"What the hell happened to his _face_?!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Warning: panic attack, self hate, unintentional self harm⚠️

When they had entered the room, Loki had tried to look anywhere but at the Avengers. Out of the corner of his eye however, he could see the five blurred figures, two sitting on a couch, another on a seperate one, a tall blond person standing beside them and the last the red head woman who was standing away from the rest.

There was a hushed silence when he'd walked in when it was ruined by Clint voice speaking in a horrified tone.

"What the hell happened to his _face_?!"

It was only seven words but Loki's insecurity spiked at a massive level he didn't even think was possible as a sob built up in his throat, tears gathering in his eyes.

His hands acted of their own accord, reaching up to take the top of the jumper he wore and pulled it up over his face, hiding it from view so they could only see his eyes. "This was a m-mistake. I want t-to go h-home. T-Thor, I want t-to go h-home!"

His breathing hitched at as he spoke, panic and fear trying to dominate his mind.

"Loki...Brother, it's okay. The Eye of Hawk was only surprised is all," Thor tried to reassure him but Loki barely heard him, sinking deeper and deeper into the dark thoughts of his mind.

 _'You're ugly. You're scarred. They think you are worthless and pathetic! "Look at the ugly scarred monster cry! How weak!" That's what they think of you, because that's what you_ are _. Inside and out. A monster, a freak. Alone and unloved. Forever! They don't see your pain, or your demons. Only the monster inside of you showing in the ugly scars on your face_ _—'_

"Loki! Loki, can you hear me? Focus on my voice, okay?"

His breathing slowed suddenly as the voice penetrated his thoughts, giving him a small shine of light in the darkness.

"That's it. Just breathe. Can you hear what I'm saying?"

Loki sobbed as he forced himself to speak. "I-I hear y-you."

"That's good. Very good. Can you name five things you could see?"

"I—" Loki took a shuddering breath, trying to focus on what the voice was telling him to do. Five things he could see. What could he see?

Loki told himself to look at his surroundings and was only half surprised to find that he was on his knees, his hands in front him on the ground to hold himself up.

But what could he _see_?

In a shaky voice, Loki spoke. "T-the ground?"

"Good. What else?" The voice asked. It seemed to be coming from beside him, but he didn't look to see who it was as he was too focused on answering.

"M-my hands," Loki said, staring at them, the pale skin of it before looking around, his surroundings blurry but able to make out objects. "The windows...and the s-sky."

"One more?"

Loki swallowed. One more thing...

"Plants," Loki said after a slight pause, seeing the green of them outside on the balcony.

"Now, can you tell me four things you can hear?"

Loki took shallow breaths though they weren't as fast as they were before. "Y-you. Me."

"Yes?"

Loki listened for any other noise. "Birds", he said, heading the chirping outside. "A-and tapping," he added. He could hear a faint tap-tap-tap coming from near him.

"That was me, tapping the ground."

"O-oh," Loki said in a small voice.

"Tell me, what are three things you can touch or feel?"

Loki shivered. "Th-the floor. M-my clothes..." Loki stopped, unable to think of another one. Such a simple task and he couldn't even do that. He was just a waste of space. He wasn't worth even to even be allowed to breathe—

He froze and said in a rushed voice. "Air. I feel a-air."

He could feel his rapid breathing that had started up again but began to calm when he had finally found an answer.

"Now two things you can smell."

Loki frowned slightly at this one. "I...pancakes?"

The voice gave a small chuckle at that. "Yes, I smell that too. What else?"

Loki paused. "Blood."

There was a moment of silence and Loki thought he'd said something wrong when the voice spoke again. "Your nails dug into your arm while you were panicking and it bled. I suppose that's why.

Loki looked down and saw that the voice was right. His arm was bleeding from three nail dents. He hadn't even felt it until now.

"Last thing. What's one thing you can taste?"

This one was easy. "Toast," he answered.

"Toast?" The voice repeated in a slightly confused tone.

"Ah, yes. Loki had some toast before coming here," Thor's voice said from behind Loki.

"Alright. Loki, can you look at me?" The voice asked.

Loki nodded and very slowly looked around. His eyes went wide when he saw who exactly the voice belonged to.

Bruce Banner.

* * *

Bruce had known Loki was coming to the Avengers Tower, most likely in a bad state by the way Thor described him. He knew that despite what had happened with New York, he would have to help the super villain get better and back on his feet. Being the only Doctor, Bruce set himself up for the task, even though it wasn't likely to be an easy one.

Thor hadn't specified on what had happened to Loki, only that he wasn't well and had sustained some sort of injury from whatever punishment he'd been sentenced to.

Since three days ago, Bruce had focused all his energy on reading up on PTSD, habits that developed from it, sleeping, eating and even social disorders that could come into into effect, and most likely would.

Earlier, he had been reading up on what to do when someone is having a panic attack, the book now lying abandoned on the couch he'd just vacated. It was a lucky thing that he had been as Loki had a panic attack pretty much as soon as he arrived.

Even though it wasn't a great sign that Loki was already having them in the first five minutes of being there, it helped Bruce realise straight away that Loki had a huge amount of insecurity about his face that had burnt tissue scarring his cheeks and across his nose. The way Thor had been going on about Loki's injury, Bruce had expected a lot worse. But, in all honesty, the scarring wasn't too bad.

But obviously Loki didn't think so.

"B-Banner?!" Loki asked, his green eyes wide as he stared none-pulsed at Bruce like he'd dropped from space.

"Yes," Bruce said in a calm, kindly tone, not letting the look put him off, still crouched down beside the broken god. "But you can call me Bruce if you like?"

Loki shuddered, looking away from Bruce's concerned gaze, wrapping his arms around his middle. He looked around at the others who were all looking at him, frozen in shock or looking unsure what to do.

The spy said something to the archer who grimaced. The archer, Clint Barton, Loki remembered, stepped forward slightly. "I, er," he coughed awkwardly, looking uncomfortable. "I, uh, I'm sorry, Loki. I didn't mean to say it like that..." he trailed off, glancing uncertainly at Natasha who rolled her eyes.

Loki forced a nod, not saying anything else.

Thor knelt down on Loki's other side, taking the younger gods hand in his, squeezing gently. "Are you alright, Brother?"

It was such a simple gesture, but for Loki, it made him feel more safe then he could put into words, knowing he wasn't alone in a room full of people who hated or pitied him. That no matter what, he would always have his Brother by his side.

Tears pricked his eyes and did something he hadn't done since he was little.

He reached out his arms towards Thor who understood in an instant what Loki wanted, pulling Loki to him, his arms going around Loki, wrapping him in a warm embrace. Loki held onto Thor tightly, his head resting on the blond's chest. "I'm okay...Brother."

Loki felt Thor's hold tighten just slightly around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✒Some Brotherly love for you and some Loki, Bruce action. Next chapter will have some more Gammafrost, promise✒


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Warning: mentions of torture⚠️

"Could I borrow Loki for a moment, Thor?"

Loki looked up to see that Bruce was standing patiently, a small smile directed towards Loki who felt suddenly embarrassed, a red tint on his cheeks and looked away.

"Of course, friend Banner," Thor said, smiling at the Good Doctor who took Loki's hand, making the god just in shock, looking up at Bruce, his green eyes wide and fearful though he tried to hide it.

"You don't have to be scared," Bruce assured him. "I'm just going to take you down to the infirmary so I can change those bandages," he explained, gesturing to the bloodied bandages around Loki's wrists.

Loki frowned. "I'm...I'm not scared," he mumbled half heartedly, casting his eyes to the floor and picking self consciously at the bandages. He looked at Thor unsure, a questioning look in his green eyes.

"Go on, Brother. Friend Banner will take care of you," Thor said gently and Loki slowly nodded, letting Bruce lead him down the hall, looking back at Thor worrying. He could hear the others talking, most likely about him as he was led away.

 _'It's okay,'_ Thor mouthed to him before disappearing from sight as they rounded the corner.

* * *

Bruce led him down the hall, Loki constantly looking back, wishing Thor had come with him. He didn't trust these Avengers to be alone around him whether they had sworn to Thor not to hurt him or not. He'd seen in the archers eyes how much he wanted to strangle Loki. He wouldn't let down his guard around them, that's one thing he knew for sure.

Bruce suddenly turned to one of the doors, letting go of Loki's hand that Loki hadn't even realised he'd still been holding and went inside, Loki walking in nervously behind him.

"Just sit up on the bed," Bruce said as he opened the cupboards, looking for new bandages.

Loki did as told, going over to the bed in the corner of the room and sitting down on the edge of it, ready to up and run if needed to. Bruce came over to him, a fresh bandage in his hand and knelt down in front of Loki, gently taking his hand again and unwrapped the bloodied bandages from the raven's wrists.

Loki a small whimper as it was gently peeled back, the dried blood sticking the bandage to his bruised skin. Bruce grimaced as the bandage came away, chucking the old bandage into the bin. He used a wet cloth to clean up any dried blood, the purple and black bruises showing more clearly beneath it as he did.

"What happened to you?" Bruce asked. "Thor said you were punished, but what happened for you to get these injuries?"

"Didn't Thor explain—?"

He didn't tell us anything except you were injured and needed a place to stay," Bruce said before Loki could finish, wrapping up his wrists in clean bandages. "Anything else that needs to be re-bandaged?"

"My ankles," Loki said and Bruce nodded, starting on those. "They're from the shackles I was forced to wear for my punishment.

"And...what was your punishment?" Bruce asked carefully. "You don't have to tell me either, but it could help with fixing any damage it caused."

Loki swallowed. He didn't really want to talk about what had happened to him, but if it could help Banner heal his injuries, especially his face...

"I was chained to the floor on my back and a snake dripped poison onto my face, day and night. It burnt the flesh, eating it away, leaving me like...like this," Loki gestured towards his face bitterly.

"I'm guessing you pulled at the cuffs then, for your wrists and ankles to be so bruised," Bruce asked, even though he already knew that he was most likely right as he finished up, standing straight.

Loki nodded to Bruce's question. "Yes. It was pointless. I knew I could not break the chains or get away somehow, but—" he broke off, shaking his head.

"I get it," Bruce said. "You were trying to keep up hope, thinking that you would find a way out, even though you knew there wasn't one."

"That is...actually quite accurate," Loki said, surprised. "How did you know?"

"You're not the only one who's trying to break away," Bruce said darkly and Loki was shocked at the bitterness in the scientist tone. He didn't think much could bother the man. Bruce shook his head and smiled. "Let's see what I can do for this," he said, gently touching Loki's scared cheeks.

Loki flinched but was surprised that it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. It was only a second, but Loki found himself wishing it had been longer as Bruce walked away looking for Odin knows what.

Loki didn't know what to make of the Good Doctor. He knew he was a scientist of some sort. He also knew that if the man got angry he would turn into that green beast known as 'Hulk'. It was one of the main reasons that Loki hadn't wanted to be left alone with the man. The last time Loki had faced the Hulk it hadn't gone well for him. But he wondered how the man managed to keep himself calm all the time.

Bruce walked back over with a small jar in his hand and handed it to Loki who took it hesitantly, looking at it like it might be a disguised bomb.

"I want you to put that in everyday when you get up in the morning, okay?" Bruce said, receiving a slight nod from Loki in response who was squinting at the jar trying to read the label on in. Bruce frowned. "You alright, Loki?"

"Hm? Oh, yes. Fine," Loki said, slipping the jar into his pocket.

"You were squinting," Bruce noted. "Can you not see very well?"

Loki bit his lip before reluctantly shaking his head. "No. The poison...it got into my eyes and damaged my eyesight."

"You mean, it's blurred?" Bruce asked.

Loki nodded once.

"Hold on," Bruce said and walked away. Loki frowned after him but waited where he was until Bruce came back and handed Loki a pair of glasses. "Try these on."

Loki stared at the glasses Bruce had handed him in confusion before looking up at Bruce with a quizzical expression.

Bruce sighed, taking the glasses. "Here," he said, tilting up Loki's head and gently put them on the bridge of Loki's burnt nose and carefully as possible. "How's that?"

Loki looked around, his expression going from quizzical to surprise as he found that everything was clear, no blurriness that he could see. "They're perfect."

Bruce smiled wryly. "I'm not sure whether to find it convenient or concerning that my glasses are right for you."

"These are yours?" Loki asked suddenly.

"Mhm," Bruce hummed the conformation.

"I-I can't take these! If they belong to you—" Loki said, going to take them off but Bruce stopped him with his hands, grabbing Loki who looked up at him, his heart suddenly thudding loudly in his chest that it was a wonder how the scientist didn't hear it.

"It's okay. I have another pair of my own. These are just a spare in case I ever lost them. But you need them and I want you to have them," Bruce said softly.

"Are you...are you sure?" Loki asked uncertainly.

"Positive," Bruce said firmly.

"Alright. Thank you then," Loki said, trying for a smile which Bruce returned.

"You're welcome," Bruce said, gently pulling Loki to his feet. "They suit you."

Loki blushed and became self conscious that he was still holding the scientist's hands and quickly let go. "Maybe we should go back to the others?" He said rushing his words, but Bruce either didn't take notice or decided not to mention it as he replied.

"Of course. I'm guessing you must be hungry?" Bruxe said as they walked out of the door and headed towards the lounge area.

"Not particularly," Loki answered with a small shrug.

Bruce glanced at him as they entered the lounge room. "Are you still full from the toast Thor said you had this morning?"

Loki blinked. "Oh. I didn't really have much to be honest. Just a few bites, but I suppose I am," he said eventually. "What about you?"

Bruce looked away. "I haven't actually had anything to eat yet."

Loki frowned. "Why not?"

Bruce bit his lip, considering for a moment before opening his mouth to answer when a voice cut across him.

"Hey! You're back!"


	6. Chapter 6

Loki looked around, recognizing the geniuses voice and saw him lying upside down on the couch half hanging off it as he looked at Loki with a grin plastered on his face. "Nice glasses," he said, nodding towards them.

"It's rude to make fun, Stark," Loki said, though he wasn't entirely sure if Tony was teasing him or not. He didn't see the others but he could smell cooking food coming from the kitchen. Perhaps they were in there?

"I mean it," Tony said, sitting up the right way. "They really do look good on you," he said with an approving sort of nod as Bruce walked past then both and went into the kitchen.

"Oh..." Loki gave a small smile. "Thank you. They're actually Banner's. He's letting me borrow them."

"Really? Why do you need them?" Tony asked curiously. "Only, I didn't know you had bad eyesight. Considering you caught an arrow Clint shot at you while moving."

Loki bit his lip. "It's...recent," he admitted reluctantly.

Tony seemed to notice that Loki didn't want to talk about it as he nodded. "Everyone's in the kitchen if you were wondering."

"Oh, of course. Thank you," Loki said, looking towards it where he could hear people talking.

"And, ah, don't let Clint get to you, 'kay? He doesn't always mean what he says," Tony told him. "He's just resentful."

Loki sighed. "I do not blame him for being angry towards me. I would not forgive me either if I were him."

Tony looked at him in surprise. "You really have changed."

Loki blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing bad," Tony assured him. "It's just that you seem, well, different. You've thanked me twice already and you're really...shy, I guess."

Loki swallowed. He knew he was acting strange. His confidence had been replaced by insecurity, fear of what everyone thought of him.

_'Monster, traitor, murderer, liar-'_

Loki pushed the thoughts away. He wouldn't let himself succumb to another panic attack. Now now.

He was more worried about them all finding out the truth. What had really happened to make him feel this way. Why he always felt so insecure, why he minded his manners around them. He was terrified of what they would think of him...and Thor. What would Thor think of him if he knew the truth?

"Loki! Hey, you're zoning out there, buddy."

"What?" Loki said, looking at Tony who raised an eyebrow. "O-oh, sorry."

Tony shook his head. "Don't worry 'bout it."

Loki swallowed nervously, though he didn't know why he felt so nervous. Maybe he was just nervous over nothing? He hoped that was it. He didn't need anything else to worry about.

"Well, anyway, the others are in the kitchen and I think Steve has made some food for you. You're skinny as fuck," Tony informed him, "and I got your room ready for you after you're done eating. I can show you around and stuff."

"Thank you, Stark," Loki stated sincerely.

Again, Tony looked surprised at the thanks but nodded regardless, waving Loki away with a hand.

Loki went into the kitchen to find the other Avengers there, Thor exclaiming loudly at the brilliance of Steve's cooking which was making the Captain blush crimson at the praises.

"Brother! Come eat! Steven's cooking is delicious!" Thor stated loudly.

"Thank you, Thor," Steve said with a smile towards the blond. "But remember. Volume."

The Thunderer nodded quickly and went back to stuffing his face. Loki grimaced at Thor's terrible table manners but said nothing about it. Thor had saved his life after all.

"Are you hungry, Loki?" Steve asked, suddenly making the Mischief god jump at being addressed.

"I-I'm not hungry," Loki stuttered out, hating himself for it as he quickly averted his gaze, looking towards the floor. It wasn't a lie either. His stomach churned so much that he felt like he would be sick if he tried to eat anything.

He averted his gaze from the Captains concerned gaze only for his gaze to land on Banner's. Loki swallowed, quickly dropping his eyes to the floor before the scientist could catch his eyes. He didn't want false sympathy, nor did he want their pity. He didn't need it.

Eventually, though he said he wasn't eating, he sat on a stool by Thor, feeling safer near his Brother. He told himself that Thor would protect him, that he could trust him. Loki just hoped it was true. Thor had proven to do just that so far. He hoped it didn't stop anytime soon.

"Hey, Stevey! Coffee!" Tony's voice called from the lounge making Loki jump at the shout. He mentally cursed himself for it. He must look like a kitten being frightened at the slightest of sounds. He was a god for Odin's sake!

"It's waiting for you on the bench," Steve called back and Loki took pride in not jumping this time around. "Come and get it."

There was a pause.

"Clint, can you be a dear and grab me my coffee?!"

Loki couldn't help a smile as Clint rolled his eyes. He still had mixed feelings towards the archer but the main one was guilt. He wished he had never controlled the archers mind. It was a stupid thing to do even if it had seemed a bright idea at the time. A trained Shield Agent at his command, who wouldn't want that?

But now he wished it had never happened, especially since he now had to live in the same house, or Tower technically, with the archer. He had no doubt in his mind that if he let his guard down, Clint would take his revenge. They all would. They all wanted revenge for the things he'd done. They would ensure it-!

Loki squeaked indignantly, whipping around to glare at Thor who had squeezed his shoulder a bit harder than was probably needed but it did the trick to pull him out of his thoughts.

Thor only smiled gently. "Are you sure you do not wish to eat? I'm sure the Captain would not mind making you something."

Loki swallowed, knowing Thor only worried but still felt too queasy to eat. Still, he managed a small nod and Thor asked Steve for some food.

He watched Clint muttering under his breath as he grabbed Tony's coffee and went to join the genius watching TV. He flinched once again when a plate was set in front of him, Steve giving him a kind smile.

Loki didn't trust it.

But Thor wanted him to eat so he forced down a few bites of whatever Midgardian food this was. Pancakes he remembered they were called.

Just the few bites were enough to make him feel full and gingerly set his plate aside. "I believe I wish to retire to my chambers, if I could?"

"Would you like me to—?" Thor started as he went to stand but Loki shook his head, standing himself.

"Stark has already kindly offered to show me to my room. I'll be alright," Loki said quickly. "Thank you for the meal, Rogers."

"Call me Steve," Steve said but Loki barely heard as he nodded and turned from the kitchen, back to the lounge. He didn't wish to be in anyone's company any longer. He wished to be alone.

He wished to see just how bad it all was. To make the Avengers be so kind towards him all of a sudden.

He stood awkwardly for a moment as he gathered up his nerves and cleared his throat. "S-Stark? Could you be so kind as to show me where I'll be staying?"

Tony glanced over at him from where he had his arm around Clint's shoulder who was now scowling at the TV which he hadn't been doing a second ago. "Yeah, 'course."

The genius stood, stretching and quickly drained his cup of coffee before setting the empty cup down and gestured for Loki to follow him. Loki did, grabbing the pack of his things along the way which had been left by the couch for him by Thor.

They went into the elevator, going up to the third floor before exiting to a hallway. Tony led him down it until they reached a door.

"I had Jarvis order some clothes and stuff that I thought might fit you. If they don't then let him know and I'll get on to buying you some that fit. If you need anything, just tell Jarvis and he'll let me know, 'kay?" Tony said as he opened the door for Loki who walked through.

He took a moment to look around the room. He knew of Stark's riches so he doubted the clean, handsomely designed room was anything special to any of the others but still he couldn't help but sigh in relief. "Thank you, Stark."

"Just call me Tony. Everyone does," Tony told him.

"Alright, Tony. Thank you," Loki said, turning to show how sincere he was about those two words.

Tony only waved a hand. "No problem. Get yourself settled and all that. Lunch is at twelve. If you don't wanna come down and eat I can always have someone bring it up."

Loki nodded once more.

Then Tony was gone and he was alone with only his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✒Loki you poor thing 😖 Don't worry. Brucey will make it all better. Then it'll get worse. Then better again. Then terribly depressing. Then hopeful. Then a downward plunge into a dark pit. Then a small ray of light. Then...you get the point 😅✒


End file.
